Oh, I didn’t know you do that!
Many people in my networks know me as an avid advocate for children and their rights, as I’ve shared my unschooling and parenting journey on my personal facebook account for over a decade now.
And many, even you perhaps, know that I’m also an absolute relationship geek who loves to eat, sleep, and breathe relationships – what makes them great, what doesn’t, and how to get from one to the other!
But you might not know what I actually do when I say I “work with women to create a connected and deeply fulfilling relationship with the man they love”!
Firstly, I work with strong, driven, self aware women in a long-term relationship with a man they still love. But that relationship often feels shit despite her working on herself and on the relationship with all the self development tools she knows or has learned, or even that she teaches others to use.
I usually work with her over three to six months, one-to-one, in a deeply-held customised programme that consists of alternating weekly online video sessions and email coaching. We start with creating a safe space for her to show up as exactly who she is right now, and to normalise and accept those things about her or the way she behaves that she wishes she wasn’t (or hides from the world who only sees her as ‘the strong one’ or ‘the wise one’).
You can’t set off in a new direction without being real about where you’re starting from, because that can cause some navigational difficulties!!
*there‘s also a lot of humour and kindness in the way I work! And a fair amount of analogies 😉
Rather than spending ages on looking back and trying to figure out all the ‘why’s’ of how she’s ended up at this start point, we unpack what’s happening right now and use that as a doorway into deep and profound healing work that is the backbone of the programme.
Work that I compassionately guide her through with over 20 years experience in energy and other healing modalities, including a lot of work with aspects of her inner child that I bring all of my passion for, and experience with, unconventional and compassionate parenting to.
Add to that the extra superpowers I bring as a highly sensitive, intuitive, empathic guide that has the ability to literally feel through her words, into her body and her energy, to where she’s holding stories and beliefs that want to be seen and heard so that they can transform. A vital skill, as she will often be used to ignoring those calls inside her and prefer to think her way through, rather than feel what’s right there in her body; having a guide creates safety and lends strength that makes it absolutely achievable to safely and gently reach places she hasn’t been able to go on her own (without retraumatising her in any way).
Some of those stories will reveal themselves in the particular way she expresses things about herself, her partner, and the relationship – something I’m highly skilled in perceiving – and when she claims those stories as what’s real right now, and learns to reframe them, she creates whole new possibilities to move forward with. One of my favourite reflections from my clients are how I helped them see themselves in ways they’d never considered before (even if they’re therapy goers), and how they’ve understood their partner in a whole new way too through seeing him and understanding him through a very different lens to their own usual one. They tell me how that alone has created spaciousness in their relationship, where before they were both contracted and neither had room to really be themselves any more.
Over our time together, she takes a journey with me, from identifying and honouring her true needs and desires no longer hidden by those false stories and expectations, to learning how to regulate her nervous system and self soothe at tricky moments to slow the volcano of high-reactivity that often erupts as repeated conflicts she’s not been able to prevent, no matter how much she’s tried. She also learns how to recognise, set, and hold boundaries that make deeper intimacy and closeness safer and happen more regularly, and how to communicate in a way that works for her partner to really hear her (even though she’s already an expert communicator in other areas of her life!).
This deep inner work and mindset shift is paired with practical, essential relationship skills many of us don’t develop organically – no matter how smart, self aware or self taught we may be. Ironically, the skills we lack in our closest and most intimate relationship are the very ones that we’re most adept at having in other areas of our lives and yet, that gap can be incredibly simple to change, if it wasn’t hiding in our own blindspot!
I know that I often think of things at such a high level, it can be easy to miss something really simple, and fundamental, that turns out to be the key to creating a better relationship.. and the women I work with can often relate to that!
It’s a deep process. And completely transformational. But always holding the relationship as a whole in mind so that any change is designed to bring out the best in both my client and her husband *and* their relationship.. making it powerful, but safe, to transform, which is something my clients really value, because their family is their top concern.
I hope that makes it clearer what I actually do?
Do you have any questions? I’d love to hear them!
Or, if you feel ready to take the next step, book a call in with me so we can chat about your relationship and see if working with me is the right next step for you right now.