the new currency? ..a love language? ..in short supply?
This morning, I read this quote in my old posts on Facebook:
“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
Attention is so much more than just active listening, as important as active listening is.
It’s not only hearing what the person in front of you is saying (and not saying), it’s also an understanding of their Love Map.
It’s understanding what’s going on in their lives right now.. what’s important to them, what they’re struggling with, what they’re fearing, what they’re hoping for.. it’s context and nuance.
What’s going on in your partner’s life this week?
How does what they’re asking for (or complaining about) fit in with the greater context of their world?
Maybe they’re quiet, withdrawn, and shut down.. why might that be?
Are they irritable when you ask for ‘just a small thing’? Are you asking without understanding how much capacity they have?
How does this context of what’s going on in their world impact the (maybe small) thing they’re trying to tell you about right now?
How about you?
Does your partner know what’s on your plate?
The disappointments or longings you’ve had this week?
Not just the minutiae of your day, but deeper.
Take the time to get reacquainted
Go for a walk together or sit down for a coffee without your phones, and check in with each other.
Try and both go beyond “listening techniques” to really understand the world of the person with you.
- Ask curious questions.
- Ask them to tell you more.
- Say do you mean “…..” so you really get them.
- Be a safe person to open up to
And then have them do the same for you.
It’s not just attention.. it’s mindful attention.
Got any questions about connecting, being vulnerable, or how to ask for help when you’re not very good at asking?
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